Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
