Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
