Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
