just tell him i said nine months
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
