you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
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He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
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he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize