It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
