I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
