i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
