hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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