Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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