Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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