The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
