Yo dont text me then not text me
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
