my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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