Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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