i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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