Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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