youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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