when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
