My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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