this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
