Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
