my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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