Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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