Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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