I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
