We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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