u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
only if we run a train.
done.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
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Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
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I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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