I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
