Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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