god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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