So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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