so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
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Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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