He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
