Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
