My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
