i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
