somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
