he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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