so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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