Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
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Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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