just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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