I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
