If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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