So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
