I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
