I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
