Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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