Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
