M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
