Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
