i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
