I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
