What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
