I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
