In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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