Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
