Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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