so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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