In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
