well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
