So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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