Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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